HIV tests are more positive than that guy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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