so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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