He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
