How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
