He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
