Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
