And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
