dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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