I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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