I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
