Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
