just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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