Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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