the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
