oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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