making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
