But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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