i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
