Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
