I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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