Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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