He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So much Jack, so little girl.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
