Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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