It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
