I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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