It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
