The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
