guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
