grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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