she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
