So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
