kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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