I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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