I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
