Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
People in love make me want to vomit
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
