I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
