never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
