I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
