He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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