she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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