i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
