How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
