Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
