babies were throwing up all over the place
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
