kristin has been a bad kristin
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
