Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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