Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
