first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
