so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Are my feet made of real feet?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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