i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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