Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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